Sitting on a bus earlier this week, I couldn’t help overhearing the rather loud conversation between two professional gentlemen sitting nearby.
They spent over an hour chatting away and generally getting themselves whipped up into an anxious frenzy over whether their hoped-for promotions were likely to appear. The wide-ranging discussion touched on the unfairness of the system over which they had little control. They worried over the state of their pension pots, family demands for holidays, increasing bills for their university attending children, and pending increases in their mortgage payments. All understandable sources of anxiety.
I wished afterwards that I’d had the presence of mind to begin a conversation with them about Philippians 4 - wonderful promises in Scripture when Paul reminds us not to allow anxiety to cripple us, but instead to bring the things worrying us to the Lord in prayer. Then as we talk it over with Father God, we can receive His peace that passes all understanding, after surrendering the situation to Him and asking Him to work in it.
Too often we spend so much of our time getting frustrated or worrying about the things that we have very little or even no control over. That time could be better spent focusing on the things we CAN influence.
In my coaching work though GiANT, working with leaders and teams, we use the simple visual tool shown above, called ‘Controlling the Controllables.’ When things get stressful, and you begin to feel a sense of becoming overwhelmed, the ‘Controlling the Controllables’ tool can be a helpful resource to put things into perspective – and so I offer it to you now.
In some situations, we have total control of circumstances and outcomes. We hold the keys, through our own actions and decision-making, to create different results. If this is the case, use the centre circle of the ‘Controlling the Controllables’ tool as a reminder that you have the power to move the needle to create the outcome you want. This is the easy one because it's all up to you.
Much more of the time, we find ourselves in situations where we are totally frustrated but don't have the authority or ability to make any of the changes necessary to alter the conditions. This red outer circle in the tool represents your awareness to the fact that you cannot control the situation and will have to resign yourself to making the most of the situation as it is, given all the factors. Worrying about it isn’t going to change anything. This takes the pressure off you and allows you to release it to those who have the authority and responsibility to change it.
The middle circle is a reminder that there are times when you may not have the ability to control the situation, but you do have some level of influence on those who can. We can use this influence wisely and see it as an opportunity to impact those who do have the ability to control the situation rather than becoming frustrated, or anxious.
Very seldom can we increase the size of the full control inner circle but we can decrease the outer zone of frustration, by putting more of our time and energy into increasing our influence over the decision makers.
So, who do you need to have a conversation with? What are you seeing or hearing that’s frustrating you and that you can turn into constructive suggestions or helpful feedback?
Back to Philippians 4… it may be that you’ve already had those conversations, and the decision makers aren’t listening. Please don’t get trapped in an increasing frustration zone, or tip into anxiety. Remember, that your loving Father God has more influence than any earthly ‘controller’ or decision maker. Use your spiritual influence in prayer by asking Father God to work in the situation. Ask for strength, inspiration, and wisdom to keep trying to be a positive influence. Ask for His presence to calm the tides of anxiety if they are threatening to crash over you, and His peace to overwhelm you as you sit in his presence, having surrendered it all afresh to Him.
When we can’t control the situation, we get a choice:
Stay in frustration.
Influence others for good and for change.
Drown in anxiety.
Surrender to our loving and trustworthy God, place the uncontrollable situation in His hands and ask Him to work on it.
Let’s encourage each other to choose well.
For you
Jules Morgan - UCAN Director